"This is how you'll get me to see this movie...Chain me down."
Director: Jimmy Hayward
Run Time: 1 Hr. 21 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
The Bouw-Man.
Don’t know really what to make of this one. It appears there’s a lot going on, which is always risky during the summer months. Is it a western? Is it science fiction? All I kept thinking about was the debacle, “Wild Wild West” with Will Smith and Kevin Kline. They took an old western premise and covered it over with new-age technology and attempted humor. By the looks of this preview there doing the same with some added supernatural material.
Obviously we’re dealing with a cursed man (Brolin) who was wronged by some individual from his past (Malkovich). This caused him to be a loner assassin, apparently with some sort of magical powers. So, what better premise can you think of for a revenge centered action film then where the two face each other (no pun intended) again during the film’s climax? Throw in some corny one-liners and the latest slutty hottie for sex appeal, and you have the formula for a classic summer “popcorn” movie. However, as mentioned earlier, the lack of focus as to what it wants to be is a concern. Especially, during a 2010 year filled with so many blockbuster failures.
The cast hardly has an established track record, so it better hope to captivate the audience with a good story, action sequences and overall fun. Yet another curious element to this film is its 80-minute run-time. That reminds me of another Will Smith summer flick, “Men in Black 2,” where they ripped off the public with a paltry run-time. Unfortunately, “Men in Black 2” had name recognition and “Jonah Hex” does not.
Prediction.
I just don’t see this one pulling Hollywood out of its summer hole. An undefined genre, little star power and general lack of excitement over its opening, may very well kick “Jonah Hex” to the curb. The “PG-13”rating will help the most curious teens come calling, but after that I can’t see big numbers. Let’s say $12 million and an early exit to the second run movie house by the end of July.
Opening Weekend Gross: $12 Million
Noodles.
No. Absolutely, positively not. No way man. Game over! Since when was the world begging for a Jonah Hex movie to be made? Remember last Halloween when all the little kids were dressing up like Jonah Hex? No? Of course you don't, because WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT JONAH HEX!!?
Excuse me. I just watched this trailer and was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress flashbacks of Will Smith in Wild, Wild West. I promised myself that I would never make a guarantee when I started doing these reviews before the movie came out, but... I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE that this movie will be utterly unwatchable.
Where to begin? I think Josh Brolin is a pretty good actor but this feels like he's doing a remix of his Bush voice from W. And Jonah Hex was always a fourth string comic character to begin with, so how he rated this level of special effects and action hero hype is beyond me. And what's with the guns that shoot DYNAMITE!? Didn't these guys learn anything from League of Extraordinary Gentlemen about using dumbed down modern technology in these period pieces? Bad idea. And the dialog...Oh my god. The one liners, the stupid quips, the sexual banter, did George Lucas write the screenplay for this thing?...My mind just boggles with more questions.
Prediction.
I don't know how many ways I can say that this move looks horrible on so many fronts. I think Megan Fox is a very beautiful girl, but the only thing worse than watching her act would be having to sit through a remake of the Odd Couple starring Hayden Christensen and Channing Tatum.
No one is going to pay money to see this garbage, especially me. I think most people will skip this in favor of Toy Story 3, and then by the following week this sad chapter in American Cinema will have passed. **Special Note...I wrote this review earlier in the week hoping that perhaps my feelings would mellow with the passage of time, but every time I thought back to how ridiculous this thing looks I think I was too nice. In fact, I'm deducting another $2 Million off my prediction!
Opening Weekend: Gross: $10 Million $8 Million
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