Karate Kid

Director: Harald Zwart

Run Time: 2 Hrs

Rating: PG

The Bouw-Man.

It’s been a while since I ever rooted this hard for a film to fail.  Enter “The Karate Kid.”  I have seen this preview several times at local movie theaters, and I seem to get either nauseous or angry every time I see it.  If I didn’t sit at the very top of the theater, I would’ve walked out every time it came up on the screen.  Why this outcry?  Well, there are several factors.  Not only was the original a beloved film from my youth, but it was more appropriate in terms of the location and age of the main character.  Obviously, Hollywood is using the fame of Will Smith (in this case, to promote his offspring), as well as a proven franchise name in hopes of success.  However, let’s face it no one is lining up to see an 11-year old fight.  Considering its taking place in China, this makes it much less likely that an audience can identify with the situation.  That’s something the original had in its favor.  An audience could more easily put themselves in the shoes of the main character.  “Karate Kid 2” was OK, but it’s much harder to sell a truly American film that doesn’t take place on American soil that is not centered on war.  It also doesn’t help that the secrets of the film’s training sequences have already been told by the original.  We all know “wax on, wax off” and “sand the floor,” but “take off the jacket” doesn’t seem to have the same effect.  Jackie Chan is a gifted kung fu expert, but having an older everyday man like Pat Morita doing the teaching is far better in terms of a storyline.  Mr. Miyagi is “Yoda-esque,” and what ever Jackie Chan’s name is in this trash will mean nothing.

Prediction.

Please stay away from supporting this pathetic excuse of a film.  You don’t need to see evil Chinese kids bully some American kid.  You don’t need to see this same American kid triumph under tough conditions, and you definitely don’t need to see an artificial “feel good” story that will not come close to matching the original.  Well, that’s my pitch.  Since more people seem to ignore me rather than heed my advice, I think $14 million can be expected this weekend.

Opening Weekend Gross: $14 Million

Noodles.

Like so many of my peers, when I heard they were re-making the Karate Kid, I just knew it was going to suck. The original was never a great movie, but it was a solid 80s classic. Its about a young man coming of age and learning not only about himself, but also about a diverse culture and coming to find value in something "other".

When I looked at the trailer for this new KK movie I have to admit, it doesn't look absolutely horrible. First I had to mentally erase my feelings and memories of Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita's performances. Once I viewed the trailer in those terms it looked like a semi-decent coming of age story. I question making the protagonist a pre-teen, for fear that teenagers will pass this one by because it looks like a kid's movie. And not to nitpick but isn't Jackie Chan teaching him Kung Fu, not karate? I guess producers felt that one martial art is the same as another in this case.

There was a  subtle wisdom to Pat Morita's Mr. Miyagi that I'm not getting in the trailer for this new movie. The great reveal in the original was that while Daniel-San is working his ass off waxing floors and painting fences in the name of "learning" karate, we as the audience felt his frustration and confusion. Then, as if removed by magic, Mr. Miyagi connects the dots and shows us the true value of all that hard labor to the world of butt kicking. The first time he shouts "Sand the floor!" and Daniel blocks his punches by reflex, I was ready to go put in some time on my grandparent's deck. That's what feels missing in this re-make...that subtlety. When Jackie Chan shouts "Take off your Jacket!" its just not awe inspiring.

Prediction.

At a reported 2 plus hours in length, I just don't see this film dominating the box office. Jackie Chan has had a big career pulling in audiences (we won't mention "The Spy Next Door"), but Jaden Smith has yet to show me anything that makes me feel like he could carry the brunt of this film on his back. As a father, I hope the kid does well, but as a consumer I think I'll keep my $8.50.

Opening Weekend: Gross: $8 Million

SHOWTIMES & TICKETS

Enter ZIP Code: